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Married to despair

Married to despair

Author: Vinu Abraham
Publication: The Week
Date: July 27, 2003
URL: http://www.the-week.com/23jul27/life11.htm

Introduction: Abandoned wives lead hopeless lives in Kerala village

Pozhuthana lies five kilometres from Vythiri, a popular tourist spot. With verdant forests  and tea gardens, it rivals Vythiri in scenic beauty. But its claim to fame (or infamy) has nothing to do with this. The small village in north Kerala is home to dozens of abandoned and disconsolate wives.

Most of them are Muslims. Social workers say that there are more than 60 such women in the area. The number is likely to be more, since many families hide such women in the darkness of their homes.

Some are ready to come out to the light and speak. They feel they have nothing to lose. Arifa, 23, of Parakunnu colony, lost her father years ago and was brought up by her mother, a casual labourer at a tea estate. When she was 19, she was hurriedly married to Salim, a labourer. Her mother was afraid that Arifa was already past the marriageable age.

Salim lived with her for three years and fathered two children, of whom one died. One day he walked out. The divorce declaration came later, by post. He had pocketed her dowry, Rs 75,000 and 20 sovereigns of gold. "I heard that he is going to marry a 17-year-old," said Arifa. " But what can we do? This is how things are."

The women cannot be blamed for adopting an attitude of glum stoicism. They have no one to turn to. Suhara, for instance, was abandoned by her husband a year after marriage. For the last 10 years, she and her daughter have been living with her parents. Recently, she came to know that her husband had married again. (Suhara has not been formally divorced.) As in many other cases, her family had given hard-earned money as dowry to the runaway husband.

Poor and illiterate, the Muslim families are obsessed with 'marrying off' girls at a young age, often spoiling their future in the process. Said K. Fathima, a social activist: "An unmarried 17-year-old Muslim girl is seen as a major problem. The girl's parents will do anything to get her married. This is exploited by outsiders and fraudulent marriage brokers. The desperate families do not inquire much about the grooms."

Sakina, 26, is a victim of this desperation. With both parents dead, she had become a 'burden' on her siblings and relatives. Under pressure, she married Mohammed Ali, a travelling vessel seller from Malappuram, a year ago even though Ali had disclosed that he had a wife and three children in Malappuram. Now, eight months pregnant, Sakina is afraid that her husband might abandon her. "Whenever he leaves for a few days I am afraid," she said. "The same is the case when he comes back. What if he takes the remaining portion of the dowry and scoots?" Ali said he would never leave Sakina but was worried about what would happen when his first wife came to know of the marriage. "I try not to think about it," he said.

At least Sakina's husband was candid enough to admit that he had a wife. Others were not so lucky. Nabisa, of Achur colony, had no inkling that her husband had another family. "He just wanted me for sex and money," she said. "I had to work like a slave in his house. One day I ran away and came back home."

There are rare instances of women and their families trying to fight back. Kaulath, 19, was married to a person from Palakkad two years ago. He left her seven months ago. The family has lodged a complaint at the Vythiri police station but no action has been taken so far. Interestingly, neither Kaulath nor her family has any idea of the exact location of the groom's house.

"Most families consist of casual labourers who have seasonal work and very little pay," said a social activist of the area. "In such families anxiety about the future of girls is very high." Lack of education and awareness has made the women unprotesting victims. Aziya, 23, who was abandoned after three months of marriage (the husband took away Rs 90,000 and 12 sovereigns of gold) looks puzzled when asked whether she was planning legal action.

Apart from men in neighbouring areas, 'grooms' from Mysore and Tamil Nadu also come down to Pozhuthana to get married. Kunhamina, 23, was married to a Kala Maitheen from Chennai. She lived with him in Chennai and came down to give birth to her child. She has not heard from him since.

Despite these tragic tales, such marriages are still taking place. "For the families, the stigma of unmarried girls is greater than the stigma of abandoned wives," said C.H. Mummy, a local CPI(M) leader. It seems there is no escape hatch for the hapless women of Pozhuthana.
 


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