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RaGa Razzmatazz

Author: Ravi Shankar
Publication: The New Indian Express
Date: September 7, 2014
URL: http://www.newindianexpress.com/columns/ravi_shankar/RaGa-Razzmatazz/2014/09/07/article2418095.ece

Outside Rahul Gandhi’s bedroom at 12 Tughlaq Lane, Kanishka Singh and Madhusudan Mistry are telling Manmohan jokes. (‘When Manmohan and Montek went for a walk, they found a `1,000 note by the roadside. MMS: “To boost the economy, lets share it 50-50. MA: What about the remaining `900?”) From inside, whoops and yells can be heard. “Gotcha…Awww sh*t… Take that, you moron!” Jairam Ramesh arrives in a hurry.

MM: “The boss is in a good mood today. He seems to be winning.”

JR: “Winning what? I’ve told him to keep away from the Maharashtra elections. If we lose, we can say it’s because he didn’t campaign there, and if we win, then also we’ll say it’s because he didn’t campaign there. It’s a win-win situation.”

They enter the room. Rahul is busy on his La-Z boy in front of a TV set, gripping a gaming console. His brow is wrinkled in intense concentration and his tongue is poking out of a side of his cheek. Triumphantly, he turns to face his A-team.

RG: “I’ve beaten all records. I made 188,888 points on Level 6-12 of Angry Birds Rio. Can Modi do that?”

JR: “Dunno, but did you prepare the document which I asked you to? I had even helped you with the homework.”

RG: (drawling) “Madhusudan can do it. He does all my homework.”

JR: “ You were supposed to write the white paper on 100 days of Rahul Gandhi yourself.”

Rahul flips a casual thumb towards his desk. Jairam excitedly goes to pick up a document lying on it. As he turns the pages, his expression grows more and more mystified.

JR: “But these are blank pages, boss.”

RG: “I can see that, you moron. It’s a white paper after all.”

Jairam flinches and mutters under his breath about seeing things in black and white. He sits down beside Rahul and gently prises the console away from his fingers.

JR: “Boss, Modi is harping about his 100 days in power. We got to counter it.”

RG: “I already did. I told voters that because of Modi, there’s no power in Amethi since he is playing drums in Japan.”

JR: “But he did well in Japan, Mani is green with envy that a tea seller was invited to a special tea

ceremony at Akasaka Palace.”

RG: “I’m telling you Modi’s Japan visit was a flop, bro. He didn’t meet anyone important.”

JR, KS and MM: “But boss, Abe even flew down to Kyoto to meet him.”

Rahul laughs uproariously. He says, “Abe Lincoln is dead, you fools, this must be Mani pulling a fast one on you.”

JR: (making a visible effort to control himself) “Abe is the Japanese prime minister. Shinzo Abe.”

RG: “PMs are no big deal, bro. Remember Manmohan? He would run to 10 Janpath even before Mama puts down the phone. Now, let me have the last word on this. Modi’s Japan visit was a flop because he couldn’t meet Doraemon, Shinchan and Ninja Hattori.”

Jairam is nonplussed. He pleads, “But boss, when Modi is so much on the ball, we have to make a power statement with 100 Days of RG.”

Rahul sits down and strikes a Rodin’s Thinker pose. He looks up at last and says, “Yes, let’s make the historic statement that we have to get to the next level.”

Madhusudan claps enthusiastically. Kanishka says, “Hear, hear!”

JR: “You got it, boss. What level would that be?”

RG: “Why level 12 of Angry Birds, you idiot. It will create history.”

He gets up, beaming.

RG: “Talking about history reminds me of my new history teacher.”

JR, MM and KS in unison. “Who is it, boss? Hopefully not Digvijaya.”

RG: “No. Her name is Alia Bhatt.”

- Ravi@newindianexpress.com
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