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Kalam, a red rag to the red brigade! And leftists, a fly in the ointment!

Kalam, a red rag to the red brigade! And leftists, a fly in the ointment!

Author: Argus Chubby
Publication: Bharatiya Pragna
Date: July 2002

Communists beat their chests and proclaim that they are the champions of science and that scientific spirit is their exclusive prerogative. That's why, the 17th national jamboree of the CPM at Hyderabad in March 2002 was kick-started by a science exhibition got up by a leftist cohort Chukka Ramaiah a renowned coach of the bourgeoisie aspirants to the IIT. Haranguing that mela, Sitaram Yechury, the partisan spokesman pooh-poohed and debunked the role of the Shankaracharyas and exhorted the people to follow science & technology to guide the nation's destiny.

So when APJ Kalam, the most dedicated and inspiring scientist-technologist was proposed for the country's presidentship, people thought that the scientific hearts inside the Marxists would effusively throb for him, who is also a lovable person with a simple living and high thinking. But lo, no! The comrades pulled at their hair and kicked about the ground and screamed: "We'll oppose Kalam tooth and nail, sickle and hammer." "Why?" "Well, we've as many reasons as there are communist parties and groups. Here, taste a few samples."

"Kalam is a scientist only in name but a quack in character for he does not have scientific temperament. Otherwise, how would he associate himself with the BJP? He is not grounded in Marxism which is the source and quintessence of all science. One becomes a scientist if only one carries the Marxist imprimatur."

"Kalam is a political ignoramus. What does he know about the Constitution, the Parliamentary Democracy, the Division of Powers between the Union and the States, etc, etc? He has to be like Rabri Devi and Sonia Gandhi who are political mistresses. Why do you think we are standing by both these two ladies? Because they know the Indian polity, culture and current affairs like the palm of their hands and are capable of taking prompt and proper policy decisions."

An overhearing proletarian suggested: "But is it not better to have only graduates, postgraduates and PhDs in political science to be our political leaders, MLAS, MPs, ministers'?"

"No, not necessary, so long as a wannabe politician or constitutional functionary swears by Marxism and anti-Hindutva."

"But Kalam is not communal. He is secular, eclectic and pluralistic."

"Yes, that's exactly the problem. We would have supported him if only he were anti-Hindutva. We wouldn't have minded if he were an Islamic fanatic to the core."

"But Kalam is supported by a vast majority of the political spectrum. Won't you respect democracy?"

"No, absolutely not. For majoritarianism is anti-democracy. Who ever are the ruling party, they should follow the dictates of us the leftists. Our numbers may be very small but our vocal chords are far too strong and our intellectual reach is very wide and deep. Judge us by the left and democratic decibels of our progressive voice."

"In the perpetual war declared by Pakistan on us, won't Kalam's candidature rightly inspire our defences?"

"It shouldn't, for Indians are jingoistic toward Pakistan. India is noted for its spirit of non-violence, thanks to Mahatma Gandhi. If we elected this missile man our President it would send wrong signals to the comity of nations."

"How come you are mentioning Mahatma Gandhi? You had called him names and names. You called him an agent of the British imperialists, though you yourselves were the zealous supporters of the British during the Quit India movement and World War II."

"We shouldn't dig into the past. We should live in the present. This we're asserting with all our command of history."

"You disapprove jingoism and aggressively approve of peace. India has never attacked any country during her long history. But aren't your own fatherlands, the USSR and the Red China, still remembered for their imperialism and violence?"

"No, no! Communistic countries are never jingoistic or expansionistic. They are always peace loving. No one can be more peaceful."

"But I understand that Red China usurped the most peace-loving Tibet in 1950 and massacred thousands of Tibetans, and destroyed hundreds of monasteries and the local Buddhist culture. Come 1962, China responded- to our 'Hindi-Chini bhai bhai' by perfidiously attacking our own country! Surprisingly, you the communists chose to defend the Chinese and blame India. The Soviet Russia attacked and enslaved many countries like Hungary, Poland and Czechoslovakia. The Russian President Brezhnev propounded and imposed the brazen doctrine of limited sovereignty on the non-Soviet communist states. History is eloquent on this."

"No, it is all fabricated history, fabricated by the imperialists, the colonialists, the bourgeoisie, the fascists, the Nazis and the Hindutva forces. And did I not warn you not to dig into history, anyway? We should think of and live in the present and the future only."

"You say Kalam's candidature sends wrong signals to the international community. By 'wrong' what do you mean?"

"By 'wrong' I mean jingoistic."

"Then where's the question of wrong signals? They are the right signals, for the ruling coalition and the presidential candidate are jingoistic, as per your own charge."

"Only the ruling clique and Kalam are jingoistic. All the others - the dalits, the BCs, the minorities, the workers, the artists, the intellectuals, the academia, and the civil and human right activists are secular and peace loving citizens of the world."

"Anyway, why should we try overmuch to please other countries and unduly bother about their views and interests instead of right away acting in our own national interests?"

"For nationalism is a dangerous thing smacking of American neo-colonialism. We should believe in internationalism. It doesn't mean globalisation but 'Workers of the world unite. Mark this distinction."

"But do the other countries think likewise of the rest while taking their domestic decisions?"

"They need not, because they are great countries unlike India."

"You detest nuclearisation of India. Flow do you justify the USSR and the Red China the congenitally peaceful countries being nuclear capitalists?"

"They are perfectly justified in producing any number of nuclear weapons. For they would be using them for the peaceful purpose of spreading only the peaceful communism. But we Indians are jingoist. We tend to use our nukes out of hatred against Pakistan, such a secular acid peace loving country Whereas, communist countries use nukes against other countries only out of international love and not jingoism."

"You go on harping on Gujarat and demand that Kalam come out with his views on it. But it is just one of the 28 states and 7 UTs in the country. Gujarat is only a passing phase whereas the presidential tenure lasts for five years having to touch upon a wider canvas. Then why this specific stress on Gujarat?"

"A very intelligent question! We lap up the Gujarat binge so much that we wish it stalked forever so that we could continually harvest it. Sure, it's a breeding and fertile ground where from to project and push our communal conflict, i.e. eternal class conflict which is our bread and butter."

"OK, now let's know and talk about your own candidate."

"Yes, she is Capt. Lakshmi Sehgal, an octogenarian belle, in perfect match with our gerontocratic party. She was a sterling freedom fighter and an associate of the supremely patriotic Subhas Chandra Bose in his INA."

"But then you hate jingoistic and narrow-minded thingamajigs like freedom movement and, most of all, a running dog of fascist-Nazi axis like Subhas."

"Not that we are enamoured of bourgeoisie things like patriotism and patriots. Being disputatious masters of dialectical materialism, we are guided by realpolitik to garner votes by appealing in the name of sentiments like that. Anyway, forget such trivia. See the greatness of Lakshmi Sehgal, our candidate. She is glued to the service to the Kanpur poor. "

"Instead of making a sacrificial lamb of her, you should have made her the General Secretary of your CPM or at least the president of one of your Red NGOs. She would have been that way more useful. After all she is a communist to the core, even her daughter Subhashini Ali is a vocal Red."

"But we decided to give her a well deserved supra-party multiple promotion."

"But has your candidate not made the presidential contest banal by talking in narrow terms of caste and community, proclaiming herself to be a champion of the dalits, BCs and minorities? Is she not expected to embrace all the sections in the country?"

"No, not at all. As our credo is eternal class/ caste/communal conflict, we have to necessarily support some classes and hate and fight the others. Moreover, sections other than dalits, BCs and minorities are not human, they are only bourgeoisie, fascist, imperialist, colonialist, communalist. Our candidate is too holy to represent them."

"Capt. Lakshmi Sehgal explains that she joined your party after you retracted your views on Subhas Chandra Bose. You only retracted your mudslinging but never vowed to follow his ideals. Instead there were parties that consistently held Subhas in admiration right from the beginning. Still why your candidate chose to join you and not the pro-Subhas parties?"

"That shows her courage of conviction, a conviction that there is no Subhas to come forward to warn her."

"How can anyone else support your candidate? She is stigmatized by your fifth columnist support."

"Why not? India is a secular country, and every secularist therefore supports her. Further the great Janata Dal (Secular) is our ally."

"If elected, there is an apprehension that with your support your candidate may Tibetanise India."

"What's wrong with that? To be a part of the Red China's empire! Oh, what a dreamful privilege!"

"You accuse the NDA of not bringing about consensus even as only the few leftists and the pury, Janata Dal (Secular) have argued themselves, out of it. Do those in your communist regimes do things on consensual basis?"

"Yes, absolutely. Everything is on the basis of total and unqualified consensus. We reached such a historic stage after waves of purge, elimination and liquidation. None dared to, oppose us. It's how we hammered out absolute consensus."

"Anyway, judging by the upsurge of the national mood in favour of Kalam, your sacrificial lamb's chances are doomed to be too remote."

"No, our candidate is certainly going to win, because she is a born fighter. And her fighting skills have sharpened ever since she became our fellow traveler. We've appealed to the electoral college in the name of conscience. Lakshmi is going to win with a thumping majority thanks to the conscience theory."

"But you are never known for your conscience?"

"Of course, we don't' have it, for it is a bourgeoisie virtue. We expect all the bourgeoisie, the capitalist-industrialist-landlord-jingoistic-saffron nexus to work up their conscience and accordingly hammer off their votes to our Capt. Lakshmi of the great INA fame."

"If anything, you and your candidate are hogging much limelight. Publicity far out of proportion to your strength that is not there. Congrats!"

"It's but natural, for we have lore, infiltrated the media, the academia, the intelligentsia, and the artistic mafia. Words are our weapons, media is our machine-gun. Academia is our armour, intelligentsia our dynamite, and artistic mafia our guided missiles. No one can challenge our media monopoly."
 


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