Author: Nonie Darwish
Publication: FrontPageMagazine.com
Date: February 11, 2003
URL: http://www.frontpagemagazine.com/Articles/ReadArticle.asp?ID=6034
I was born and raised as a Moslem
in the Middle East culture that has many facets, some of which have a beauty
and splendor that I miss to this day. That beauty was the contributions
of many different groups. The ancient cultures of Mesopotamia, Babylon,
Egypt, Persia, Syria, Morocco, Turkey, Lebanon and --yes-- Israel and the
cities of Jerusalem and Mecca enrich the World.
I never give up hope. It is my life's
dream to see Arabs finding a different paradigm in their view of themselves,
Israel and the world; to see fear and old habits of hate, archaic prejudices
and biases all discarded and replaced by an embrace of goodwill, cooperation
and a win-win attitude. The contributions of Judaism, Christianity and
classical Islam produced a beautiful and unique culture that has influenced
the whole world. How truly beautiful it would be if the cradle of world
religions would set an example of respectful coexistence. This is my dream.
But for now I have to wake up and
see reality.
This is not the story of my dream
coming true; this is the story of my escape from Islam. The reasons I am
writing about it can be summed up with three digits: 9/11. Since that day,
I have known and seen many other Moslems shying away from Islam, and rightfully
so. The relative tolerance of Classical Islam has been gradually eroded,
to be replaced by rigid, fanatical fundamentalism. That once beautiful
culture is now decaying, stagnant at best, and unable to accommodate other
religions or cultures. This sickness is now contaminating the West through
the terror of Jihad.
I feel alienated from a religion
that has sponsored over 30 years of terrorism, and from the flagrant and
arrogant Moslem/Arab support of it. My criticism is not directed at the
Koran itself, but at the current Moslem culture and community that has
handed over control of Arab society to the most extreme, fanatical Wahabi
Islamic sect. Many religions chose to mature out of their intolerant, medieval
form. It is now Islam's turn to seek reformation if they truly care to
save their religion's reputation around the World and to save the world
from a major military confrontation. Reasonable Moslems should stand up
and realize that people who criticize the current culture of Islam are
not the threat to Islam; rather, the silence over and justification of
9/11 by Moslems is Islam's true enemy.
I believe that the Arab/Moslem world
has lost its moral equilibrium and must travel a long road towards reformation.
Their paranoia and obsession with Israel as the bogeyman in the neighborhood
is becoming increasingly unbelievable, and after the cheering crowds on
9/11, their cause is no longer credible.
Contrary to popular belief, Islam
is not flourishing; Islam is rotting out from its core. This is a culture
in convulsions, using anything and everything from oil to airplanes and
from stones to suicide bombs as weapons against the rest of the World.
In my estimation, this is a sure sign of internal struggle, conflict and
weakness. Instead of using reason to reform their religion and join the
rest of the civilized world in peaceful co-existence, they choose violence
through their ancient doctrine of Jihad.
Islam in its present form is almost
impossible for many -- myself included -- to practice; strict codes of
behavior include prayers 5 times a day, washing and cleanliness before
prayers, what you say during prayers, and fasting that does not allow even
drinking water from sunrise to sunset. The women's dress code is impossible
to bear in the heat of the Middle Eastern climate. If you're born a Moslem
you remain a Moslem whether you like it or not. Just like the color of
your eyes, hair or skin, you are a Moslem. Freedom of thought or choice
of one's religious beliefs is not an option. To be a Moslem is to belong
to that bigger holier-than-thou, self-righteous group whom they try, but
fail to emulate. Many Moslems find it impossible to live up to Moslem observances
and codes of behavior, and at the same time are prohibited even from being
exposed to other religions. With no where else to go, they are left in
a no- man's-land, devoid of spirituality and a personal relationship with
God, and burdened with guilt. Thus, they end up as part of the large number
of the non- practicing Moslems.
The non-practicing Moslems are Moslems
who wear Western clothes, do not pray 5 times a day, don't fast in Ramadan
and do not consult with Moslem theology before indulging in many personal
and social activities. This is the group the West calls "moderates". However,
most of these non-practicing Moslems are staunch defenders of Islam especially
in front of non-Moslems and many share the hatred of Jews and Christians.
They surrender their society to the extremist Moslems out of guilt and
in order to be left alone. Even many Christians in the Middle East have
been Islamized out of fear without even knowing it. I learned that recently
an Arab Christian group did not condemn terrorism and found it to be a
legitimate form of resisting the "occupation."
When I lived in the Middle East,
I regarded myself as a non-practicing Moslem. Even though I did not practice
or choose Islam and was just born into it, my life together with all people
in the Middle East was totally controlled by it. I surrendered to the guilt,
the oppressive society and Islamic laws unfavorable to women (I have written
an article on this called "Impossible Family Dynamics of Islam"). I often
lived a façade, trying always to please others. It took me many
years to actually know I am not a Moslem, never have been, nor wanted to
be. I had to find great (almost superhuman) inner strength to actually
extract myself, my mind and my soul from feeling, being and belonging to
Islam.
The word "Islam" means submission;
to submit to God and the words of the Koran. Most religions advocate a
kind of submission in one form or another. Many Moslems in particular are
proud of this meaning. There is beauty in this meaning. It brings internal
peace, reliance on the creator in everything a Moslem does, and accepting
life's many challenges and unavoidable pain. One just has to look at the
faces of many Moslems praying and see sincere submission.
Total submission, however, is a
two-edged sword. Submission in the Moslem world is often misplaced to dictators
and people of authority instead of God. Freedom of speech is discouraged
and condemned and is replaced by submission. That condition attracts political
and religious tyranny.
Many Moslems are very kind and friendly
and we often ask why none of them speak out against terrorism. The answer
is that there is a hierarchy of 'submission' that no one calling him/herself
a Moslem can escape from. Many of the non-practicing Moslems who do not
follow the commands of the Koran to the letter often support the extremists
out of guilt or fear. The end result is a mass of humanity, submitting
to the terror of dictatorships in a large hierarchy of an oppressive social
structure from top to bottom. It is a dictator's dream.
Dictatorships in the Middle East
are not only enforced from the top, but are part and parcel of the dynamics
and structure of the whole society. It is not very difficult to establish
and maintain dictatorships in Moslem countries. To live under dictatorship
is expected of 'good' Moslems. Only one-party systems can exist, not necessarily
Islamic but definitely oppressive and dictatorial, veiled by the legitimacy
of Islam. The scenes of Saddam Hussein's hands being kissed by his subjects
who look at him with fearful adoration are very common in the Middle East.
Fearing Allah has been transferred to fearing "Leader", who behaves like
God. Huge posters bearing the portrait of leaders are displayed everywhere
you go on Arab streets. There are more songs expressing the love and devotion
to Arab leaders than any religious songs praising Allah.
The people also expect their leaders
to do miracles, to save them, and take care of them from cradle to grave.
This condition spills down to the rest of society. As a child I remember
my grandparents' hands being kissed by poor villagers who needed something.
My grandparents often refuse the bowing and the kiss, but are often pleased
by it. Servants submit to their masters, workers to their bosses and children
to their parents. Maids often have to express total respect and submission
and very often to physical and sexual abuse. There is a sad dependency
for one's welfare upon the graces of any one above you in the Moslem hierarchy
of submission. Since initiative is stifled, most people wait for things
to happen to them rather than change things on their own. Thus dependency
becomes the norm. Slavery may have been abolished officially, but it is
alive and well in a different form called submission.
The flip side of this submission
is that it creates a people who are extremely sensitive to criticism and
with chauvinistic impulses. You thus see a loyal, polite Moslem man turn
violently angry over the slightest difference of opinion or challenge to
the status quo. People explode in illogical overreaction to trivial disagreements.
The first reason for me to escape
Islam is that I am an independent thinker and cannot submit totally and
blindly to any ideology, especially if society willingly transfers its
submission to a dictator, an employer, or any figure of authority. There
is no tolerance in Islamic society to differing views; you either submit
or pretend, and I couldn't do either.
In Islamic culture, personal freedom
is not an esteemed value, to say the least, and peer pressure wholly regulates
one's behavior, including how you pray, how you dress, what you eat, who
you befriend, in short, every minute detail of your life. Many Moslems
assign to themselves the role of God in enforcing Islamic law. Extreme
and cruel forms of punishment are used to guarantee compliance, such as
stoning to death and amputation of hands. Profound shaming is often used
for people with differing views. Moslems as a group are very critical of
each other. Despite my natural inclination to be a moral person, I have
deep fear in my heart of Islam. It is depressing, ruthless and oppressive.
As a Moslem, I found myself accountable not only to God, but to every other
Moslem around me. I remember when I and other non-practicing Moslems went
swimming in the Middle East I observed the women with Islamic clothes on
the beach covered from head to toe. Some of them envied me as I was having
fun in the water while others looked at me with disgust for doing something
they could not dare do. A woman could be criticized over simple enjoyments
of life such as swimming.
I had to be very conscious of every
move I made and every word I said. As long as the façade was maintained
I was safe. Behind the scenes, it was a different story. Public behavior
in Islam is what counts, while sins prohibited by Islam are alive and well
in private. You have no privacy or choice but to conform and live in a
straightjacket, at least publicly. Because of the restrictions in public
behavior many Moslem women prefer to spend most of their time at home to
avoid the stress and hardship of being in the public eye. There is hardly
any outdoor activity for Moslem women. Perception is everything. There
is no choice but to work around this and live a double life; one life in
public and another life in private; one lifestyle in Riyadh opposite to
the one in Paris. The use of alcohol or illicit drugs, as well as promiscuous
sex, even homosexuality, are great sins in Islam which carry heavy penalties
ranging from humiliation to death, yet they are not uncommon among many
Moslems.
This is the second reason I cannot
belong to the current Islamic culture. I refuse to adhere to superhuman
behavior in public and then release the tension and the truth in private.
My private and public life are to a large extent in harmony and very similar.
I cannot submit to the observing eyes of other Moslems who treat each other
as police enforcers of Islamic law. The scene of the women in Afghanistan
being herded with a stick because an ankle was exposed just scares the
hell out of me.
Moslem children at a very early
age undergo horrific indoctrination to hate Jews and Christians. We all
had to go through Islamic education breeding fear, anger, Jihad and extreme
criticism and rivalry of other religions. We were told stories beyond belief
about Jews. We were told Jews were hated by God and should be exterminated.
They killed Arab children and pregnant Arab women, break treaties with
Arabs! Hearing this about other human beings made me extremely scared.
I listened day in and day out to religion teachers who only spoke of an
angry God, Hell and Heaven, the battles that Mohammed won and the booty
his soldiers got. Jihad and martyrdom was the center piece of Moslem education
and the certain road to heaven. I sensed comfort and tolerance of Moslems
to violence and feuds between groups.
The mother of a suicide bomber said
"Because I love my son, I encouraged him to die a martyr's death for the
sake of Allah." This woman and many others like her are speaking and living
a life that is against the normal impulses of Motherhood. The religious
and political indoctrination through tyranny pushed her against herself
and her child into insanity.
This form of child abuse, serves
more than one purpose. Hate is a motivation for Jihad and also causes fear
in the hearts of children who reason that they do not want to be the object
of that hate. The hate of an enemy helps unite Moslems, especially children,
into compliance. To hate is better than being the object of hate like Jews
and Christians. When I said I did not like "Shahada" after my father's
death, I was told "you don't want to get the wrath of Allah". I am still
being told (threatened) by that today when I write articles critical of
terrorism! No child should have to endure this poison under the name of
Religion. As Arab children we were all exposed to this moral contamination,
and it should end.
The use of fear and hatred in bringing
about compliance of children is a very primitive but very effective and
often unconscious human tool that serves keeping your friends together
to defend each other from the 'enemies'. That tactic is used in many oppressive
systems and not just Moslem societies; i.e. fascism and communism. It is
also found in all societies at all levels and at deferent degrees. Even
children playing often use this tactic, to keep a group together and gang
up against other children. Children are not only scared into compliance
but are also taught that dying in Jihad against the infidels is the highest
virtue. This manipulation of human beings has reached an art form in Moslem
culture. It is a cruel form of child abuse and should be exposed for what
it is. Fathers and sons go to the Mosque to hear a fiery sermon on Jihad.
It is an exuberant feeling of cohesion against Satan or Jews, and Arabs
use it to bring about cultural cohesion.
The enemy of Islam then becomes
a very necessary part of the religion, since it contributes to the unity
of Moslems and ensures compliance. This unity has to be fed, cultivated
and nourished constantly at all levels of education and Media. The infidels,
non-Moslems, are extremely useful in Arab/Moslem cultures. They become
the glue that bond many Moslems together as well as the instrument for
compliance. There is less cohesion between Moslems rooted in love, compassion,
or any common good towards improving the society and economy as a whole.
That is why most Moslem countries are economic basket cases, and if it
weren't for oil, the Moslem world might be the poorest on the planet.
Arabs deny their true intensions
regarding Jews and Christians when confronted by the West. What they tell
each other is different from what they tell non-Moslems. Image and reputation
is of utmost importance between Moslems and especially in front of foreigners.
Their first instinct is always to lie, even in situations that do not require
lying, to show only the good side and shame those who don't go with the
lie for the sake of saving face. As a child and teenager I saw respectable
adults who lied to present Islam in a flowery picture. I learned to ignore
it and developed an internal sensor to stop hearing it. I could only talk
to myself about religion and could never dare tell any one about my thoughts
but I had to pretend a lot to survive.
As a child of the fifties and sixties
I felt that many Moslem countries were more moderate then than now and
looked to the West for modernity and cultural and economic guidance. Only
Saudi Arabia was then looked upon as the real Islamic country. This started
to get reversed in the 70's. Saudi Arabia and Moslem extremism replaced
that need for change. Oil money from Saudi Arabia got more and more influential
in reviving the more extreme form of Islam among more Moderate and poorer
Moslem countries. During this period I started noticing a shift from Western
influence to more rigid adherence of Islamic law. Many moderate Moslem
countries were shamed into rejecting Western influence and encouraged to
defy it. Women on their own began wearing Islamic clothes emulating their
sisters in Saudi Arabia. All Arab women's hard work for advancement and
legal equality and economic parity with men was eroding. Newspaper articles
started promoting Jihad and hate. Saudi money started pouring into poorer
neighborhoods to build mosques, not to feed the spiritual needs of the
flock, but to further radicalize the vulnerable poor and turn them against
their moderate governments. Moslems verbally attacked Christians and Jews
violently and openly on loudspeakers of Mosques. Many Christians were the
victims of Moslem attacks. I was once visiting a Christian friend during
the Friday prayers and witnessed the verbal attacks on Christians and Jews
from the mosque's loudspeakers. My friend looked scared and I was embarrassed
and frightened. One day I was criticized by a woman on the street for not
wearing Islamic clothes. That did it. That was when I decided to leave
the Middle East and move to the USA.
That same Wahabi sect was responsible
for 9/11. People like me who escaped the oppressive Moslem society are
now facing the same threat right here in the bastion of freedom. Where
else would we go if it weren't for America?
No one should ever believe that
9/11 was for the support of the poor Palestinians. It was a call of warning
from Saudi extremists to Western civilization. They announced to us loud
and clear "we are coming to Islamize you the same way we did to moderate
Arab countries." Saudi Arabia never participated with troops in any war
against Israel and I never heard of one Saudi dying in a war between Israel
and the Palestinians. All the Saudis want is to spread Islam, be the Mecca
of the World and maintain the status quo in the Israeli/Palestinian conflict.
I truly believe that what stopped Yasser Arafat from signing the peace
treaty were his bosses in Saudi Arabia and other extreme Arab regimes who
are financing him. These regimes do not want the Palestinians to live in
peace and become a democracy like Israel. The Palestinians are very smart
and educated people and are the victims of Arab Dictatorships who want
to keep them as pawns in refugee camps for over a half a century.
No one in this day and age should
be killed for choosing another religion. Islam is the only religion in
the World that does that. Ironically, many Moslems say they want to start
practicing democracy, or at least they claim they want to. How can they
talk about freedom to vote when they do not allow freedom of thought in
choosing one's religion? The founding fathers of the United States correctly
identified freedom of religion as being of primary importance. The right
to vote is meaningless if one has no right to choose one's religion.
Moslem women can be killed if they
choose to marry a non-Moslem, and that was my dilemma when I wanted to
marry my Christian husband. That was the main reason why I moved to the
USA. The UN should issue an International Proclamation for Freedom of CHOICE
of ones' Religion that Moslem countries would have to adhere to. However,
the UN has not shown much strength in rejecting Arab money and influence
to issue such a resolution and follow it up.
Because Islam cannot tolerate the
free market for religious choice and freedom, non-practicing Moslems are
left with the one ideology to practice and that is Socialism. Arab intelligentsia,
especially in Arab Media, is mostly Socialists. Many oppressive Arab regimes
are really secular socialist rather than Islamic. An example would be the
"Baath" party of Syria and Iraq. Many Arab Media figures are openly Socialist
and agnostic but package themselves in Islam for reasons of practicality
and legitimacy. These Arab media figures, many of whom I know personally
quite well, fiercely defend Islam and find excuses for terrorism against
the West. You can see them day in and day out on American TV defending
the indefensible. I don't know how they can do it with a straight face.
However, behind the scenes they tell a different story and live a different
life from that of Islam. They have to please the Moslems to survive and
keep their hefty salaries while their Government-run newspapers are losing
money. That would have been my destiny in the Middle East; no spiritual
life, no inner peace, just playing games to survive. I either would have
stayed a non-practicing Moslem or joined the elitist class of Arab socialists.
Is it any wonder why the Western liberal media sympathizes with Arab Media?
After I moved to the US, I attended
a non-denominational evangelical Church and could not help but compare.
The pastor was a peaceful, kind and gentle man and never spoke any ill
about other religions, he even prayed for Moslems after 9/11. Love, kindness,
grace, forgiveness and elevation of the human spirit were everywhere and
among all members of the Church. It was a microcosm of the goodness of
the American culture. The pastor embodied what I aspire to be. On the other
hand, many Moslem clergy were a source of repulsive and uncompromising
anger, rage, hate and subversion. Moslem clerks seek total power and control
over their worshipers and forget that only God is in control.
We often hear of Moslem worshipers
leaving the Friday prayer to attack Churches and Synagogues. They call
us the great Satan because our social ills are not concealed in an open
society. On the other hand, many Moslems forget that they too have a great
Satan alive and well but hidden in the caves of Afghanistan, in the palaces
of Iraq, in their dictatorships and in many Middle East closets. Self criticism
is a virtue many Moslem countries need to learn. Mosques are not like churches,
families do not attend as a unit. It is not an event where fathers, mothers
and children unite in asking for God's blessings and forgiveness. In the
Middle East only men attend Mosques. Mosques spread the word of Allah harshly
through loudspeakers heard over miles. There are several mosques in each
neighborhood and one often can hear 3 or 4 mosque's call for prayers at
the same time 5 times a day!
It did not take me very long to
know where I belong. I now belong to the greatest and most moral country
that ever existed on the face of the earth. The US Constitution and Bill
of Rights were written by men in the Judeo-Christian tradition who told
their citizens that their rights were given to them by their creator. These
great men did not try to take any credit since one's human rights are given
by God not by man. Consequently, the citizens lived with relative internal
peace and confidence in their government. This graceful country allowed
me to practice any religion or no religion and gave me human rights I could
only dreamed of under Islam. I am lucky and more than lucky, I am saved.
I was never discriminated against
even after 9/11. The reason is that I love this country and grieved with
the rest of America following the attack. The key to happiness in America
is to love America.
In the church I realized that a
religion should bring about the love of all of humanity in my heart and
never ever teach hatred of anyone. It should bring out the best in me and
all its followers. Jihad, anger and terrorism should not be advocated by
any religion. My husband and I were brought to our knees in tears and for
the first time I felt I could trust and surrender my heart and soul to
the God of peace and love. I said to myself "You, God, are in control!
The terrorists might think they are in control, but they are wrong and
their culture will suffer eventually by this evil". It was the love of
God I was desperate for but never found in Islam. I lived half my life
in Islam and my soul was empty and in this Church in the US my soul was
revived and nourished with love of all of humanity. I learned what it means
to be grateful. Oh God I am grateful for leading me from chaos and confusion
to hope and humility in your Way. The US has been blessed by many Churches
like this, which other countries emulate instead of envy. I pray for Moslem
countries to see the light that all men are created equal and not that
all Moslems are created equal. Many come to this great nation in search
for material gain which is fine, however, the biggest prize I gained was
my religious freedom and to find myself in the glory of God.
(Ms. Darwish is an American of Arab/Moslem
origin and a former editor and translator. Her e-mail is noniedarwish@hotmail.com)
